Making My Life Beautiful

Wounds, everybody has them.
You can’t get through life without being wounded sometime, that’s just the way it is. Some are huge and some seem small. Some seem to be self inflicted while others seem to be given to us, usually by someone whom we love.

As I deal with the wounds that I have, God has been reminding me that my beef is not with the people who gave me the wounds, but rather with Satan who is the author of the wounds.
As Ephesians 6:12 says, we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
This is such a good reminder for me. It’s so easy to be ticked off at the people I blame instead of the one who is really out to get me, Satan. This also means that punishing people is pointless. I’m not saying that there should not be consequences for wrong doing, I’m saying that holding onto the pain and trying to deal with it myself really only hurts me and gives Satan exactly what he wants. He wants to rob us of the joy and peace God has in store for us. Evil doers will be punished, but it is God who carries out the punishment not me.

Sometimes we try to ignore the wound hoping it will go away, but wounds don’t just disappear, they have to be healed. In order to be healed they must be given attention. If you get cut you don’t just leave the cut alone and hope it goes away because it won’t go away, it will get infected. The same is true with emotional wounds. If you ignore it, it will get worse. It may hide for a while, but it’s still there and Satan will remind you of it whenever he can.

I know from personal experience that this is one of the hardest lessons to learn, however as I learn how to let go I am also being reminded that true joy and freedom are waiting on the other side.
It's easy to ignore wounds when they don't seem to be a big deal. A simple comment or the absence of a comment can have a bigger impact on your life than you could ever imagine. These wounds can hide beneath the surface and slowly eat away at you. Then one day, BAM, you are suddenly surprised by the realization that you have hurts that are so deep that only the healing power of Jesus Christ can save you. The good news is that He is ready and able and wants nothing more than to have a relationship with you and take your wounds and turn them into something beautiful.

We may not understand the purpose of what we experience at the time, but nothing happens without a reason. Romans 8:28 says that God works all things for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. This means that although we may not see how at the time, good will come out of the pain. Praise God!

Beautiful Beautiful
By Francesca Battistelli

Don’t know how it is You looked at me

And saw the person that I could be

Awakening my heart

Breaking through the dark

Suddenly Your grace

Like sunlight burning at midnight

Making my life something so

Beautiful, beautiful

Mercy reaching to save me

All that I need

You are so beautiful, beautiful

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain

But even perfect days can end in rain

And though it’s pouring down

I see You through the clouds

Shining on my face

I have come undone

But I have just begun

Changing by Your grace

Like sunlight burning at midnight

Making my life something so

Beautiful, beautiful

Mercy reaching to save me

All that I need

You are so beautiful, beautiful

Am I Beautiful?

I believe that my story resembles the story of many women. I had a good, no great childhood. My parents loved me and I knew it. I accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was 3 and have walked with Him since. Nothing huge or horrible happened to me, and yet somewhere, somehow I was wounded just as everyone is wounded. Somewhere along the line satan convinced me that my struggle with weight made me ugly and undesirable. Most of the time I would act confident so no one would know what I really thought. If I was honest with myself I was self conscious all the time. There were days when I had to force myself to walk out the door because I didn't want anyone to see me. I would avoid sitting around people because my stomach was easier to hide while standing. Anytime I was complimented I made an excuse in head for why it was not true. When my husband would tell me how beautiful I am I would think "yeah, but he loves me, of course he thinks I'm beautiful". I never believed any of it. I never realized just how much it affected EVERYTHING in my life. So, I lived my life never really happy with who I was, and definitely not happy with how I looked.

The time came for the women’s retreat at my church. I’m never very excited about the retreats, and this time was no exception. I got sick the week before the retreat and decided I should not go. The morning of the retreat God made it very clear I need to go and so I went.

The retreat was about breaking the lies that you have believed and receiving that freedom God has for you. Wow, talk about being tailored just for me! The first meeting we had I realized I was not going to be able to skate my way through the retreat; I would have to allow myself to be changed. You may wonder why I said I would HAVE to allow myself to be changed. You see, I don’t like emotional exercises or sharing intimate things with people. I prefer to keep those things to myself, but I knew that would not be possible here. I decided that as long as I was there I may as well go along with it.
One of the things we were asked to do was write down the lies with which we have made an agreement. My lies were that I’m not beautiful and I’m not worth the time. These lies did not surprise me, I knew I believed them and I knew they were lies. My head knew they were lies, but my heart still believed them. The next day we were sent outside to have a conversation with God about our lies. When the speaker explained what we were supposed to do I immediately thought “I can try, but He won’t speak to me. Why would He? There are so many women here who deserve His attention more than I”. As soon as I thought that I was reminded of my lie and so, although I didn’t think it would work I decided to give it a shot. I found a spot at a picnic table and sat down, thinking that I would just sit there until the time was up and then go back inside just the same way I came out. As I sat there, I remembered that I decided I was going to TRY to do the exercises I was asked to do. So, I sat there trying to figure out what I would ask God. Suddenly the question popped into my head. For the next 20 minutes God was closer to me that ever before. I actually did have a conversation with God! The details of our conversation are between him and me however the outcome I will share. As God and I chatted about the lies I had believed about myself a song came to mind. I heard the song for the first time at The Inn and I loved it.

The song goes like this:

Lord, it was You who created the heavens.
Lord, it was Your hands that put the stars in their place.
Lord, it is Your voice that commands the morning
Even oceans and their waves bow at Your feet.

Lord, who am I compared to Your glory?
Lord, who am I compared to Your majesty?

I am Your beloved, Your creation,
And You love me as I am.
You have called me chosen for Your kingdom
Unashamed to call me Your own.
I am Your beloved.

One day as I was singing it, I realized that I didn’t believe what the song said. Who am I compared to God’s glory and majesty? I’m nothing! How can I sing that I am His beloved when I’m nothing? From that point on anytime the song came into my head I was reminded that I did not believe that I was God’s beloved. Satan used the song to continue to drill the lies deeper and deeper.

As I sang the song that day at the retreat something happened, I actually believed what I was singing. At some point during the song the knowledge that God made me beautiful and that He desires to spend time with me changed. It went from knowing it in my head to truly believing it in my heart. I went from a woman who was so self-conscious that I wanted to hide all the time to being a woman who doesn’t care who sees me or what people think of me because my Father made me beautiful and He loves me JUST THE WAY I AM! I was FREE! Free to be me! I didn’t know just how much my lies affected my whole life and everything I did until God broke the lies and I saw the truth. I may not seem very different to people who know me. As I said before, I pretended to be confident because I didn’t want anyone to know. The difference is, now I am not pretending. God made me the way I am, on purpose. I am beautiful. I am God’s beloved!

In the hands of God.......

With all the uncertainty in the world it's amazing to know that we don't have to worry about what tomorrow will bring. We are always in the hands of God and He will carry us through everything. He will never give us a challenge that is too big for us to handle, with His help. He will never allow us to go through a trial without Him. He has everything under control!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11